Why Knives Went Nuts
by Suni Daughter of Moro
Summary: A basic explanation of how Knives went from being an ordinary boy to being a homocidal psycho. (cough coughVash!cough)
1. The Book

Why Knives Went Nuts

Chapter 1: The Book

Knives was quietly sitting in the recreation room, alone.  He thought quietly to himself, "Ah, so calm, so peaceful… watch, Vash will come in and spoil this brief respite."

Sure enough, Vash showed up, swinging down from a tree branch above Knives, "Hey-o bro!"

"Stop doing that Vash!  It really gets on my nerves!" Knives yelled.

"Hey-o bro!  Hey-o bro!  Hey-o bro!" Vash laughed.

"Shut up already Vash!  It really _is _annoying!" Knives made another attempt at silencing his twin.

"Hey, Knives, can you read this to me?" Vash asked, shoving a book in Knives' face.

"What is it?" he demanded with great difficultly seeing as the book was mashing in his cheek.

"It's a book called Madeline.  Rem gave it to me.  She said she read these books when she was a little girl," Vash replied.

"Well you're not a little girl and neither am I so take that book out of my face and give it back to Rem!" Knives snapped.

"But Knives…" Vash pouted.

"If you want to read it, read it yourself!" Knives ordered.

"But Knives!  You know I can't read!" Vash protested.  "Please?" he pouted and gave the most pathetic puppy-dog eyes ever.

"Fine!" Knives snatched the book from his sibling.  He opened up to the first page and his view was instantly blocked when Vash went under his arm and then up in the center to look at the pretty picture.  "I can't read with your head in the way!"

"Sorry!" Vash ducked out and decided to look over Knives' shoulder at the pretty pictures.

"In a little house in Paris all covered in vines," Knives began, "lived twelve little girls in two straight lines."  Knives paused and read a few more lines silently.  What he read scared him.  Did Rem actually expect an intelligent boy like him to read this crap?  "Forget it!  I'm not reading any more!"

"Knives!"

"You can't make me!  This book is poorly written, girly, and fruity!  I refuse to read it!"

Vash blinked and then took the book from Knives.  He stared at it, and he stared at it, and he stared at it.  Then, he licked it.  "It's not fruity Knives.  It tastes just like any other book!"

"How do you know what books taste like!?" Knives asked, wide-eyed.

"Remember that novel you lost… the one called 'War and Peace'?"

"Yeah.  I never found that book…."

"That's because I got hungry and there was nothing to eat and so…" Vash trailed off.

"You ate it!?  Not only is that definitely unhealthy but why did you have to eat it when I only had two pages left!?" Knives growled in frustration.  "If you had told me you were hungry I could have given you some actual food to eat!"

"I'm hungry," Vash said, oblivious to everything his brother had just said.  "Want a donut?" Vash produced a box of donuts.

"No!" Knives yelled.  "Do you know how many calories are in those things!?"

"Wut ar' calorief?" (What are calories?) Vash asked, mouth full of donuts.

"Never mind…" Knives sighed.

"Will you please, please, _please read me the book!?" Vash began begging his brother again.  "Please Knives!  PLEASE!"_

"GOD!  CAN'T YOU TAKE 'NO' FOR AN ANSWER!?" Knives yelled.

"Please please please please please please please please please please please _pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"_

"No no no no no no no no no no no _nooooooooooooooooooooooo_!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"_YES!"_

"NO, DAMMIT!" Knives yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Ooh… Knives… you said one of da no-no words…" Vash said.  "I'm telling Rem!"

"No Vash!  Please don't!" Knives begged.  "I-I-I'll…"

"You'll…?"

"I'll readyouthestupidfruitybookifyoudon'ttell," Knives muttered.

"What did you say Knives?" Vash asked.

"I said I'll read you the book if you don't say a word to Rem or anyone!"

"Not a word," Vash agreed.

"Good now give me the stupid book," Knives snatched the book again.  He opened it up, and, crying, began reading, "In a little house in Paris, all covered in vines, lived twelve little girls in two straight lines…"

"God!  Why the hell am I reading this stupid book!?" Knives thought.

This was the beginning of the end for Knives' sanity….


	2. The Nickname

Why Knives Went Nuts

Chapter 2: The Nickname

"Knives," Vash said.  Knives ignored his brother. "Knives," Vash tried again.  No response. "Knives, Knives, Knives, Knives!"

"WHAT IS IT!?" Knives shouted.

"You're hair is fluffy," Vash replied with a smile on his face.

"IT IS NOT!"

"Is too!  Fluffy!" Vash laughed hysterically as he messed up his brother's hair.

"Leave my hair alone!"

"Okay but can I call you Fluffy?"

"Yeah sure! Just leave my hair alo--!  Dear God, what did I just say?"

"You said I could call you Fluffy, Fluffy."

"NO!  NO!  You cannot call me Fluffy!"

"But you _said…" Vash pouted._

"NO!  NIET!  NEIN!  IIE! N'UMA! GELLA[1]! NO!"

"You said no twice," Vash said.

"I'll say it as many times as I want- no, no, no, no, no, NO!" Knives yelled.

"Okay, then I'll just have to tell Rem you said one of the no-no words yesterday…," Vash said.

"Alright, already!  Fine! You can call me Fluffy!"

"Yay! Thank you, Fluffy!"

"Grr…."

"Fluffy, fluffy, fluffy, fluffy, FLUFFY!!!!!"

"Knock it off!"

"Okay, Fluffy," Vash said.  Two seconds of silence went by before Vash found something more annoying to do- sing, "Hello Dolly!  Hello Dolly!  So nice to---![2]"

"WHY ARE YOU SINGING THAT!?!?"

"I dunno," Vash shrugged.

"Well stop it!"

"Why?"

"It's annoying, that's why!"

"It's annoying, that's why, in accordance with the prophecy."

"Are you mocking me, Vash?"

"Are you mocking me, Vash, in accordance with the prophecy?"

"Why do you keep saying, 'in accordance with the prophecy'?"

"Why do you keep saying, 'in accordance with the prophecy,' in accordance with the prophecy?"

"Stop that!"

"Stop that, in accordance with the prophecy!"

"Knock it off!"

"Knock it off, in accordance with the prophecy!"

"Shut up!"

"Shut up, in accordance with the prophecy!"

"GAAAH!"

"GAAAH, in accordance with the prophecy!"

"Vash?" Rem blinked.  "Where have you and Knives been all day?"

"Fluffy and I were in the recreation room," Vash smiled.

"Fluffy?" Rem looked at Knives and the angered expression on his face.  "Vash, I don't think Knives likes that name."

"Ah of course he does, right Fluffy?" Vash turned toward Knives and winked.

The words he'd said the day before suddenly rang in his ears and Knives smiled weakly, "Don't worry about it, Rem.  It's okay.  Really.  I like the name."

_"Someday I'll kill that little SOB,"_ Knives thought to himself.

  


* * *

[1] I'm not sure how it's spelled but that's what it sounds like Encarta says when I ask for the Arabic word for "No."

[2] Let this be a lesson to you guys and gals out there.  If you're Olivia from the Cosby Show and you're tone deaf, the song's still cute but when you aren't Raven as a little kid and you're tone deaf, it isn't funny- it's torture.


	3. NightyNight Boys Part One

Why Knives Went Nuts

Chapter 3: Nighty-Night Boys Part 1

"Knives…" Vash waited for a reply in the dead of the night.  "Knives… Knives… Knives…?"

No reply came.  Vash decided to chant his twin's name until he did answer.

"Knives Knives Knives Knives Knives Knives Knives Knives KnivesKnivesKnivesKnivesKnives! KNIVES!" Vash chanted to the melody of the song played at baseball games.

"WHAT IS IT!?!" Knives yelled.

"I hungry," Vash replied.

"Let's see," Knives opened a drawer and pulled out a box of chocolates.  "Here.  Take some."

"Ooh Valentine's chocolates.  Who'd ya get these for Knives?" Vash asked.

"They were supposed to be for my boyfri—I mean girlfriend… but I forgot to give them to her."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vash laughed uncontrollably.  "FLUFFY HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!"

"Stupid Vash," Knives grumbled.  "I didn't mean to say that."

"What mean 'stupid'?" Vash blinked cluelessly.

"Stupid- dumb, moronic, completely lacking intellect," Knives replied.

"Huh?"

"Never mind…" Knives growled.

"Fluffy has a boyfriend!  Fluffy has a boyfriend!  Fluffy has a— OW!!  Knives!  That hit a no-no zone!" Vash yelled, picking up the chocolate Knives had thrown at his behind.

"Next time I'll aim for a more painful no-no zone," Knives threatened.

"I no want chocolates no more.  Here," Vash tossed the chocolate back to Knives.

"Disgusting!  I don't want it!  It's been under your butt!" Knives batted it back.

"Just kidding.  Me like chocolate... even if it has been under my tushie," Vash smiled.

"You are so gross.  Twins _must_ be opposites."

"Can I have more?"

"You haven't even eaten the first!"

"So?"

"Fine.  Here," Knives tossed several more at Vash, a couple hit Vash in the 'more painful no-no zone' Knives had threatened to hit earlier.  "Fifty-fifty.  Dead even.  Satisfied?"

"I can't eat this many chocolates this late.  Take one back," Vash tossed a chocolate back, which happened to be the one which had hit him in the rear end.

"Not that one!" Knives threw it back.

"Why not?"

"It's the first one I threw at you!  It hit your butt!"

"Okay Knives," Vash smiled and mixed all the chocolates he had together.  Picking out a random one, he threw it to Knives, "I don't want the first one Knives.  Take it."

"Okay," Knives caught the chocolate, "The one that hit your butt was wrapped in purple, by the way.  This isn't it.  This is red."

As Knives unwrapped the chocolate and popped it into his mouth, Vash just smiled.  "I switched the wrapper…"


	4. NightyNight Boys Part Two

Why Knives Went Nuts

Chapter 4: Nighty-Night Boys Part 2

"Knives," Vash said as they sat out on the terrace over the recreation room.  Neither of them could sleep so they decided to sit out.  "Knives, what's that?" Vash pointed.

"That's a hologram of a star projected onto the ceiling to increase the realism of the environment here," Knives said flatly, trying to light a candle.

"And what's that?"

"A hologram of a moon."

"And what's that?"

"A hologram of a plane!"

"HELLO STAR!!!  HELLO MOON!!!  HELLO PLANE!!!" Vash screeched, waving.

"Vash, pipe down or I'm letting this hot wax drip into your lap," Knives growled, holding the now lit candle slightly tilted over Vash's lap.

"Eep," Vash scooted back from his place beside Knives.

"Eep is right," Knives murmured, sticking the candle's wooden stake into an empty flowerpot.  He sighed.

"Fluffy, if there's a man in the moon, how come nobody's ever met him?"

"Who filled your mind with this garbage?"

"Children's book writer.  Forget the name.  So how come nobody ever met him?"

"Because he doesn't exist," Knives insisted.

"Oh… ok…," Vash fell silent for a bit.  "Knives, can I be the first to meet the man on the moon?"

"THERE IS NO MAN ON THE MOON!!!!"

"Knives, can I be the man on the moon?"

"Yeah sure whatever.  Just shut the hell up, you SOB."

Now, Vash didn't know what an SOB was but he knew "hell" was another "no-no word."  "FLUFFY CURSEDED!!!!!!"

"I did not and if you say otherwise I cannot be held responsible for my actions," Knives said coldly, now holding the candle again, which was an inch away from Vash's nose.  "Understood?"

"Understood," Vash nodded agreeably.  As soon as Knives put the candle down again, Vash started up again.  "Ooh!  I see people down there!  HI PEOPLE!!!!"

"SHUT UP VASH!  PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!!!"

"HI!!!!!  HI PEOPLE!!!! HOW ARE YOU?!?!"  Vash was too distracted by the figments of his imagination to hear him.

"Vash, I believe you've met Mister Candle?" Knives held the burning candle to Vash's face again.

"Eep-ness."


End file.
